dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
