I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
