My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
