Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I want to make a zoo with you.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
