She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
