Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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