My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
