would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
