apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
