Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
