she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I could fuck to npr.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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