I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
