I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
