I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
