On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
