I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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