Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sorry about my life...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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