Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
