We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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