i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
