I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
