just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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