what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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