do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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