Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
