fuck your aforementioned shoe
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
