I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
