Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
