$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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