you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
