dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
