I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
