Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
