the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sorry my hands just texted you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
