textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
