It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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