I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
