it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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