fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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