the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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