He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
