Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Farmville is her only friend.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
