eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
