Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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