YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
