She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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