Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
