I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
