took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We need to get me chipped asap
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
