he thought i was a dude.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
