Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize