So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize