Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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