lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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