Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
