Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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