The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize