You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
