Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
