why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
