Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
