Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
