I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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