Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My dick has a subreddit
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
