you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
