I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
