i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
