his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
