i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
