eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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