Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
