Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
