Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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