He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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