She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize