im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
