So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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