you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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