i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
