Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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