Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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