Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
