She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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